Archive for August, 2009

Wow, four days and I drop the whole thing. I think perhaps I’ll start to categorize this as a more casual thing for myself. It is still quite important to me to learn how to appreciate myself, but maybe the legalization of the task made it a chore. It’s no good to me if I’ve little to no desire to do it.

In any case, some very good things have been happening to me! Well, really only one, but it’s a very big good thing to me. I’ve finally gotten a job! As of July 23rd, I am a Server at a retirement home here in the area called “The Manor”. It’s a fairly swanky residence, I must say! Most of the residents are very kind and patient, many are funny, and few (though there are some) are quite difficult and impatient. I’ve never had a waitressing job, so I’m not terribly terrific at it yet, but I do my best, and the majority of the residents appreciate the efforts for what they are. Sunday I was told by a new resident that I am “accommodating”.

I’ve thought long and hard about that comment. If I may for a second go all “logophile” for a moment, I dug up the definition of the word. The first definition actually is all to do with physical space; “provide lodging or sufficient space for”. The example is something to do with a cabin. The second definition provided reads; “fits in with the needs or wishes of”. It sounds a lot more like a definition of myself, as I’ve always been somewhat of a chameleon, changing myself to fit into the setting. It’s not a perfectly precise art on my part, but there are some parts of me that just seem to have no concrete foundation. They’re simply putty, waiting to be molded and conformed into whatever is needed.

I was discussing all of this with a friend of mine, and told her about some childhood tendencies of mine. When I was very small, I decided that when I grew up I wanted to be a waitress. I had, for a small period of time, wanted to be a vet, but I realized within a few minutes that they sometimes had to kill animals, and that waitress was much safer. I think really I just wanted to be able to balance large trays of foodstuffs over my head; I spent a lot of time practicing this art with our dishes at home while I set the table. Later, in fifth grade, our class hosted a live museum type thing. Our theme was “The Medieval Period”. We had a king, a queen, some jousting knights, but I didn’t want to do any of those things. I begged and pleaded with my teacher to allow me to be a servant-girl. I spent most of the night freezing in place with a tray of foodstuffs over my head (see what I mean?).

My friend pointed out to me that while the stories made her laugh a bit, she felt my childhood desires pointed more towards a desire to help others than some sort of sick fascination with giving up my own wants and needs. That brings me back around to the first definition of “accommodating” – the one about space. I’d like to think that my heart is what the woman who gave me that compliment was talking about. That my heart has sufficient space for those around me, that it can hold them and keep them safe at least in there. It hasn’t always been true, but I feel like it is the direction it has been heading for quite some time.

So yes. I am very pleased to be thought of as accommodating.

In other news, in accordance with two of my personal goals set, today I decided to spend some time exalting in my musical talents. Some months ago, my roommate showed me three chords on the guitar, and I’ve been learning on my own ever since. I’ve got calluses and everything! Tonight I found a song by a great band called City and Colour. I practiced it a bit, and since I had my computer with me, decided to film the nonsense. It took several tries for various technical and physical reasons, but I finally got a video with sound uploaded. Instead of a picture, I’m posting a video tonight.

Body in a Box cover thing. from Samantha K on Vimeo.


Read Full Post »